


Flowers Bloom When I See You

by 1010hoshiiii



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2018-12-11 10:28:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11712531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1010hoshiiii/pseuds/1010hoshiiii
Summary: maybe it was the age gap that drove him away? or maybe he was too clingy? it didnt matter to samuel now but the itching at the back of his throat worried him.





	1. Prologue

his bright character helped him shine. he made a few friends here and there but one was particularly special. samuel took his cap off. sweat dripping down his neck. his clothes soaked as if he was caught in a storm. 

samuel looked across the room. the older brunette leaned against the mirror. his face was peaceful. eyes closed, chest rising and falling steadily. there was a few months til their judgement day came. samuel was at risk of being eliminated while jihoon sat safely in the top 11. samuel didnt want to be separated from jihoon. 

the thoughts of them being ripped away from each other wrapped his brain like a boa constrictor, slowly killing him. his throat tightened. heavy coughing followed after. samuel ran to the toilet, catching a glimpse of jihoon, who had awoken, the split second of eye contact made samuel dizzy.

samuel leaned over the toilet bowl. large, waxy, creamy white petals crawled out his throat and into the cold toilet bowl. "oh no." was all samuel could think.


	2. Gardenias

the itching in his throat got worse. it was hard for him to reach the high notes. samuel left the practice room and rushed into the toilet. jihoon had started to notice samuel's strange behaviour.

"you alright in there sammy?" jihoon called from outside the cubicle. samuel's mind started racing. no. this can't be happening. not now at least. "y-yeah. i'm fine. d-dont worry, hyung!" samuel stuttered. he could feel the petals blooming upwards. "well, if you say so..." jihoon responded. jihoon didn't want to leave the younger in there but he had to respect his decisions. samuel waited until the sound of footsteps had disappeared before he could throw it all up. 

samuel washed his face and retouched his make up before making his way into the studio. his face was pale and lips were a tinge of blue but the foundation and lip tint helped to hide his sickness. "you can rest if you're tired. you've been working the hardest among all of us." daniel patted samuel's back. "if you need any medication just look for sungwoon, he can start his own pharmacy with the amount of vitamins and medicine he owns." daniel laughed but his eyes showed worry for the youngest of the team.

samuel staggered towards the dorm. his body was weakening at a rapid pace. samuel sat on his bed. samuel knew of the hanahaki disease. he knew the effects. he knew the only way of curing it but he didn't want to risk forgetting his friend. the only thing he didn't know was what kind of flower it was. what was the meaning of the flower which is growing inside him.

he couldn't keep still. if he wasn't practising he should at least be doing something worth his time. samuel grabbed his wallet and put on a dark hoodie and a mask, quickly leaving the building. the mixed korean googled the directions to the nearest flower shop and made his way there. 

"hello, what kind of flowers are you looking for?" a petite lady asked.

"um.. is there any white flowers? its kind of big and feels a bit waxy..." samuel looked around the shop. the bright colours made him feel slightly nauseous.

the lady looked around the shop. quickly grabbing a few large white flowers.

"these are gardenias. they symbolise secret or untold love. if you give it to someone it's like telling them that they are lovely! its a really great flower to give your significant other."

"thanks.. i'll come again next time!" samuel smiled. his heart started to feel heavy. the meaning was too true. samuel rushed back to the dorms and hid under his blanket. he didn't want to talk to anyone. or at least daehwi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry if it sounds weird im still rusty at writing


	3. Reassurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> daehwi is the best friend samuel could ask for

samuel fiddled with the white flower in his hand. thoughts were racing in his head he didn't notice the vocalist who had entered his room. 

dude, you alright?" daehwi grabbed samuels hands. the two looked eye to eye. "seongwoo told me you weren't feeling well so i rushed here..." daehwi looked down, noticing the flower in samuel's hands. 

"i... i think im going to die?" samuels voice was wavering. his body started to shake with panic. the thought of him dying scared him. "n-no. wait. what?" daehwi put his arms around the younger. tears were starting to fall.

"it's going to be alright, sammy. you won't die. i won't let you die." daehwi patted samuel's back as the younger cried into the crook of daehwi's shoulder.

"hanahaki disease. a disease caused by unrequited love. i feel so stupid. how could i fall for him like that?" samuel sighed.

"you're not stupid, sammy. anyway, what are you gonna do now? he'll be stuck with you until the next evaluation round." daehwi asked while inspecting the gardenia flower.

"i don't know man... i'll practice by myself. when i feel better i'll train with the team. after the performance, i'll pray we don't get into the same concept evaluation song." samuel grabbed a pack of chips from his bag and ripped it open.

"oh my god! dongho hyung is gonna kill me! i gotta go sorry, sam! i'll try to come by if dongho allows!!" daehwi grabbed another pack of chips and ran out of the dorm. samuel grinned to himself watching the elder freak out.

 

"UGHHHHHH I'M EXHAUSTED!" hyungseob barged into the room and flopped onto his bed. "are you okay, muel?" woojin followed after hyungseob. "i'm alright hyung don't worry! i'll be in top condition tomorrow!" samuel smiled, reassuring hyungseob and woojin. but samuel knew he sure as hell won't be.

"i'm glad to hear that," just when samuel thought he could be in at least 75% condition, he immediately felt like 0%. "th-thanks jihoon hyung." samuel smiled but could feel his throat start to itch. "just hold on for a week, samuel. just a week." samuel took a deep breath and popped a throat soothing candy in his mouth. closing his eyes, he prayed that he wouldn't be in the same group as jihoon for the next round.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im thinking of rewriting it as a whole fanfic when im done with this so it's easier to read


	4. dilemma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> samuel continues to struggle with his mixed feelings and daehwi is the Best Boy™

time away from jihoon was the best. he could catch on to the steps well. his throat was in decent condition but boy oh boy was it bad when he sees him with the other guys. the number of times his throat acted up had significantly decreased but the intensity of when it actually happens was hellish.

the first time it acted up since the previous elimination was when he saw him hug jinyoung. samuel had always known how close jihoon and jinyoung were and he respected their friendship but now that it has ended up like this, samuel wanted to die. or at least, never leave the practice room so he would never see jihoon. he did miss the other but for the sake of his health, some things had to be sacrificed.

 

the second time it happened was on jihoon's birthday. samuel swallowed his pride, and the flowers growing in his lungs, and bravely walked towards the 'oh my girl's room.

"oh my god." samuel's jaw dropped. now jihoon was feeding sewoon and goofing around with gunhee and minki. this was not part of the plan. samuel pivoted away from the room and ran straight to the toilet. 

"dude you alright in there?" samuel recognised the voice immediately. " yeah, hold on," samuel flushed the toilet and upon opening the toilet door was daehwi sitting cross-legged on the sink.

"sooo, how has your week been?" daehwi grinned. if not for the bright lights in the toilet, daehwi would look like the cheshire cat from alice in wonderland. samuel took a seat next to the elder and began recalling everything that had happen so far.

"i think sungwoon hyung and taehyun hyung have a thing for each other..." samuel fiddled with the flower petal in hid hand. "oooooh gossip! spill the tea sammy~" daehwi cooed like the stereotypical teen girl in every movie. "well, both of them are short and they both fit each other well. kind of like soulmates i guess," samuel laughed.

if only god didn't screw him over for falling for someone who would never love him. "it's alright samuel," daehwi grabbed the youngers' hand. "you'll always have me." daehwi smiled. samuel was grateful that he had someone to talk to.

 

samuel's rank was at risk of elimination. samuel could no longer dream of achieving first place. hell, he'd be ecstatic to even achieve eleventh. but at this point, samuel began to question if he should risk his health to end up in the top 11 knowing jihoon would achieve a high first or second place. 

samuel picked up the phone on his bed. "sir, i have something to tell you..." samuel's voice quivered. the least he could do was to tell the ceo his situation. 

he trusted him that he would make the right choice. samuel explained what had happened, he knew the ceo wouldn't be too happy with what samuel had done but being young and in love meant being reckless. 

"what do i do now sir?" samuel bit his lip. "if you get into the top 11 with mr park, you discuss with the latter since he caused this. however, if you don't get into the top 11, i suggest you go for surgery and forget mr park completely."

samuel was afraid. afraid to lose all the memories of jihoon. even if it hurt, it was dear to him. he didn't want to lose him. it'd make all of the pain he's going through pointless if he goes through with the surgery. samuel prayed for him to make it into the top 11.


	5. Starry Night

D-1. just one more day. the anxiety continued to build up within the sixteen year old. it was his last chance. samuel monitored his ranking on a daily basis. he knew he shouldn't have expectations. he wanted to continue to be with the boys. 

it was lonely at brave entertainment. samuel trained with sixteen other boys for a large fraction of his life in pledis. when he left for brave he was on his own. he trained by himself. ate by himself. cried by himself.

when he requested to join produce 101, he had mixed feelings. it was a dog eat dog world. one week you make new friends, before you knew it they'd be eliminated. the large number of people training together reminded him of his pledis days. the feeling of familiarity, love, comfort. but it was still a competition at the end of the day.

the dorm felt stuffy. the other boys were practically knocked out after day of intense training. samuel couldn't sleep. he felt nauseous but it wasnt from the gardenias that bloom in his lungs. the gardenias were practically gone at this point. well, he did miss spending time with jihoon but in order for his healthy and performance to be up to standard, samuel had to put distance between himself and the boy he loved. samuel climbed out of his bed and quietly made his way up to the rooftop.

there were a few hours before the sun rose. the sky was dark and the stars decorated it. samuel thought of all the times he spent with the boys. 6 months ago they were strangers but now they were inseparable brothers. there were a few couples among them. samuel knew his love was unrequited but maybe. just maybe. he had a chance. samuel watched as the clouds rolled past the stars. the moon shone brightly. not knowing when was the next time he could enjoy stargazing, samuel lay on the cool, cement floor. 

 

the door creaked open. samuel continued to lay there. samuel watched the figure cautiously shut the door. "hey samuel," the figure called out. "i dont know if you're awake or not but if you are, i hope you listen to what i have to say." samuel listened, eyes closed,as the figure began to ramble.

"i was amazed. the moment you stepped on that stage i knew you were born to be an idol. i mean look at you. you can sing, dance, rap, choreograph. you deserve to be in the top 11 than myself. maybe if they didnt catch my wink... you'd be doing better," the figure chuckled quietly.

"its strange right?" the boy waited for a reply. this was samuel's cue to get up. samuel sat up, the boy stood leaning on the railing, back facing samuel. "you deserve top 11 just as much as i do, hyung. it's alright if i dont get into the top 11. as long as you're happy, it's enough for me." samuel smiled.

the boy turned to face samuel, "i hope, one day, we meet on stage... and it'll feel like love at first sight once again." jihoon walked towards samuel. "i'll really miss the time we spent together." jihoon wrapped his arms around the younger. samuel pulled jihoon's arms off his body. samuel laid back down, motioning for jihoon to lie next to him. samuel laced his fingers with jihoon. their hands fit each other like puzzle pieces. jihoon curled up next to samuel. the two lay in silence as the sun began to rise. although they were soon-to-be superstars, when the cameras weren't around, they were as vulnerable as a sheep lost within a pack of wolves.

 

D-Day. the day passed by hazily. samuel couldnt recall in detail of what happened. he performed. the top 11 was chosen. he watched as his friends proceeded up to the podium. he locked eyes with the elder and tried to smile. tears began to blur his vision but he kept smiling. he tried to be strong but at the end of the day he was merely a sixteen year old boy. 

samuel watched as jihoon pecked guanlin on the cheek. he saw how hesitant jihoon was when guanlin called the elder. a sharp pain shot across samuel's chest. samuel dashed into the toilet. the tears kept flowing and so were the flowers.

samuel coughed but the bright white flowers were stained red. his breathing got heavy. his sight began to blur. he heard a voice scream. his hands went numb. samuel smiled. he knew it would end like this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehe a cliff hanger ((pls dont hate me))


	6. cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jihoon pov!

jihoon waited backstage. his eyes searching for a familiar face. jihoon tapped his feet. he started getting impatient. he knows he'd be here. jihoon sighed a tad too loud. "dude, you alright?" woojin pat his shoulder. jihoon smiled, telling his same-age friend that he's just tired. just as jihoon was about to go on a wild goose chase his target appeared before him.

with quick steps, samuel walked past jihoon. not a single wave, bow or a smile. not even eye contact. it wasn't like samuel to not greet them. the room felt like it was freezing in the middle of summer. it was almost like jihoon didn't know him anymore. he couldn't understand. what happened to the sweet, smiley, loving samuel that he knew. that he fell for.

 

 

all the groups walked onto the stage. wanna one was in front as they were nominated for first place. jihoon smiled brightly. he was ecstatic but his eyes were darting around the stage. he could see hoesung and next to little woojin was samuel. jihoon frowned for a quick second before giving the fans some fanservice. there he was, a mere metre away.

jihoon wasn't a newbie to the entertainment industry. the slightest shift in facial expressions can and will be caught on camera. in at least, three different angles. he couldn't ruin the image he had been maintaining for the past 8 months.

"and the first place is..... WANNA ONE! CONGRATULATIONS!" the whole group's jaw dropped. he was happy but he was mostly filled with mixed emotions. he couldn't cry neither could he smile. as his song was being blasted around the hall, he watched as samuel greeted seongwoo. the other groups were starting to leave the stage. he had only one chance but not in public.

 

 

jihoon hated himself. of all places why did he decide to stand on the opposite side of the stage. jihoon watched as the boy in the bright yellow shirt walked off with the rest of the crowd. he wished the clock hands would move faster. so his song would end faster. he just wanted to see samuel.

as 'energetic' began to fade away, jihoon told jisung he needed the toilet. jihoon, hot on his heels, sped off the stage.

"YAH KIM SAMUEL! GET BACK HERE!" park jihoon took off after the younger. he felt rejected. disappointed. angry. sad. annoyed. how dare he. after everything they did together. it wasn't fair.

jihoon searched for bright yellow in a crowd of people. jihoon knew he was supposed to be with the members. but he couldn't believe samuel would run off like that. was he really that petty? jihoon felt like his feelings were being played. his heart was racing faster than the speed he was running. memories of the produce 101 days flooded his brain.

"no, not now brain." jihoon mentally cursed himself. there was a small part of himself telling him that he deserved it. he _did_  make samuel chase him around the training centre. but that was different. jihoon took a sharp turn to his left. reading the names of the different groups, jihoon searched for the name 'kim samuel'.

 

 

jihoon twisted the doorknob but it was locked. jihoon continued to turn the knob but to no avail. "yah samuel! open up! i know you're in there!" jihoon shouted, hoping samuel would hear him.

jihoon sat outside samuel's door. he could hear his members looking for him but he wasn't going to leave until he finally caught the half hispanic. just as jihoon was about to leave (mostly because they had another schedule to get to), the boy dressed in bright yellow appeared before him.

 

"samuel!" jihoon reached for samuels hand with a wide smile on his face. the latter however pulled away.

"i'm sorry but who are you?" the younger looked at jihoon with a blank expression.

"oh. um.. i'm park jihoon of wanna one, nice to meet you sunbaenim!" jihoon tried to not let his feelings show as he reached out his hand once again. this time for a different reason. the two shook hands but it felt awkward. the six months of knowing each seemed to have disappeared.

"park jihoon! if you can hear me, the car is leaving in five minutes! hurry up will you!" jihoon heard jisung from across the hall. jihoon bit on his cheek.

"seems like i gotta go... i look forward to getting to know you!" jihoon smiled and dashed off. running so no one could see the tears that started to pool in his eyes.

 

 

"geez where were you? jisung hyung was getting worried!" daehwi playfully slapped jihoon's arm.

"i went to meet samuel but he came late to his changing room... he seems to be doing well," jihoon bit his lip. daehwi could sense his uneasiness.

daehwi pulled jihoon closer and whispered to him, "meet me in the toilet at the next schedule. it's urgent."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> umm i might not be able to update for a while (like 3 weeks max) bc of exams :(( i want to write but studies first sighhh


	7. truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jihoon finds out the truth and crying ensues

the room felt cold. a heavy silence hung over them."hanahaki disease." daehwi broke the silence. his voice torn between anger and pity. his gaze was cold as he stared into jihoon's eyes. the words processed in jihoon's mind like poison seeping in his veins. the damage had been done and jihoon was its cause. samuel's pain was it's effect. jihoon's knees felt weak and his hands were trembling. daehwi continued to watch as jihoon fell apart. 

it felt like his world fell apart. "how was he so blind? how could he not realise that his close friend was in pain?" regrets began to pile up. 

daehwi stood in front of jihoon conflicted as to whether or not he should comfort his elder. it was his fault after all and he has to pay for his sins. daehwi left the room so jihoon could cry comfortably. he knows jihoon isn't someone who showed emotions easily so leaving him alone was the best daehwi could do as a friend.

jihoon's sobs filled the room. no matter how much he cried, there was nothing he could do about it. and that was the worst part. he could have changed it. he could have loved samuel with all of his heart but he was oh so oblivious. there was so much he could have done.

his eyes were red and swollen. his throat raw and parched. his hands continued to tremble. his legs to weak to even stand. was this how samuel felt? the feeling of emptiness filled his numb heart. 

"jihoonie~ the stylist is calling you!" jisung called. "i-i need the toilet first!" jihoon shouted back. the lump in the back of his throat fading slightly as he wiped his tear stained face.

 

jihoon continued the rest of his schedules quietly. physically, he was there but his mind was far away. in between recordings, jihoon was thinking. he thought of all the times he could have confronted samuel. jihoon would be lying if he said he was completely unaware of samuel's condition. he noticed it many times. how the younger would run at the sight of him. he found it odd but he couldn't find a proper reason for his strange behaviour. his biggest mistake was simply brushing it off as samuel being weird.

 

"hyung, you okay?" guanlin sat next to jihoon on the ride back to the dormitory. jihoon felt guilty for neglecting guanlin. he knew guanlin likes him more than just a close friend. he felt guilty knowing he led guanlin on with that kiss. he felt even more guilty knowing samuel was there to witness it happen.

"yeah.. i'm fine.. just thinking about how far we've come since produce 101, that's all." jihoon smiled. he was sure that guanlin knew he was lying. his eyes were swollen, his voice was slightly hoarse. but guanlin knew it was better to not press jihoon further.

 

something felt off. jihoon definitely liked samuel maybe even loved him but why? why was samuel still affected? that night on the rooftop... he seemed fine? he didnt seem to be in pain but he could have been supressing it. jihoon closed his eyes thinking of what he should do next...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE RETURNED YAYY sorry for the long wait oops anyway if you want more angsty stories check out my new short story collection, when you love someone (who doesnt love you) and i miss you so much (tears are falling like this but why didn't i know) :D #shamelessselfpromo also happy new year in advance!!

**Author's Note:**

> i have returned from the dead. I'm sorry i haven't posted in almost a year i had a writers block and even now i find it hard to write :// sorry if its not up to standard :(


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